Harry Potter Characters 2 South Park and Daria!
by imyourecstasypill
Summary: Hermione's tired of being a goody two shoes...so to spice things up she sorta makes a cartoon making fun of everyone!!!
1. Hermione's Little Cartoon

Hermione Granger = Daria Draco Malfoy = Eric Cartman Harry Potter = The "Gay" Teacher (DUDE I FORGOT HIS NAME! THAT'S ALL IT IS!) Ronald Weasley = The Student "Gay" Teacher (DUDE I FORGOT HIS NAME! THAT'S ALL IT IS!) Pansy Parkinson = Butters Professor McGonagall = Mr. Hat Mr. Filch = Mr. Twig Crabbe = Crippled # One Goyle = Crippled # Two Ginny Weasley = Jane Voldemort = Kyle Lucius Malfoy = Chef Fred = Kyle's sister George = Kyle's Girlfriend Professor Snape = Kenny  
  
The Story:  
  
Hermione Granger was sick and TIRED of being the nerd and weirdo. So she decided to change things around a bit. She came up with her OWN cartoon. During - Transfiguration? Well, let's just say it got her into some trouble with some teachers and a couple of people.  
  
THE CARTOON:  
"Hey Daria." Jane drawled like her usual self.  
"Hey Jane. I am consorting on how I want to die. So if you could please leave me a lone I'd be pretty happy. If I ever can get happy." Daria drawled back.  
"Move it you mudblood." Cartman yelled, walking past Daria.  
"And who are you calling a mudblood, fat boy?" Daria sneered back.  
"Excuse me, but I have to hurry to get to the doughnuts. I seemed to have dropped some on the way over." Cartman said.  
"Kdajlkjfa;ljfpda;jfkld;jal;jfiolejoi;ajfdoja;fd;j?" Kenny asked in his own language.  
"Erm? What Kenny?" Daria asked.  
"Kdajlkjfa;ljfpda;jfkld;jal;jfiolejoi;ajfdoja;fd;j?"Kenny asked again TRANSLATION: "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"  
"Well, Cartman was calling her a mudblood, and she called him a fat boy because he was running very slowly picking up doughnuts." Jane replied.  
"Dkjal;doajdkfjaiej jfiodsa;j fijdo;iasjifljdioajifodjkflajijfdkla;jf." Kenny said in his own language. TRANSLATION: "I will NOT have anyone being mean to my Prize Student."  
"Sorry Kenny." Jane and Daria drawled in unison.  
"DJKLJ:AJ:!" TRANSLATION: "Carry ON!"  
As Kenny turned to walk away, Daria tripped him and he fell down the stairs. All of a sudden, out of no where, Kyle pops out and screams, "YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED KENNY!" While Eric Cartman was snickering behind him. "Shut up Eric." Kyle yelled walking off.  
  
SLAM! "Hermione Granger! What are you doing during my class?" Professor McGonagall said sternly.  
"Erm, sorry. I won't do it again?" Hermione asked.  
"Hermione Granger, I'm so disappointed in you. I'll have to take 5 points from Gryffindor." Professor McGonagall said, shaking her head and walking back towards the front classroom.  
'Bitch.' Hermione thought savagely.  
"Now, to turn you desk into a pig."  
"Psst, Granger. I don't think it'll be long before Gryffindor loses all of their points. Keep it going mudblood." Draco sneered.  
  
BACK TO THE CARTOON:  
"Eric. You need to lose weight. Would you like me to help you?" Jane sneered.  
"Shut up you pompous ass!" Eric Cartman yelled running (well actually walking but at least he tried.) off and picking up more and more doughnuts on the way to the great hall.  
"Hey at least Kenny's gone. Well, for now at least." Jane said.  
"Yeah I know. I never figured out how he came back to life the next day." Daria replied.  
"HIYA KIDS!" The "Gay" Teacher said.  
"Quick act like you're looking at something." Daria hissed.  
"Good idea."  
The two girls stared at the air at the same time.  
"Meet Mr. Hat!"  
"Kids, sit down and listen to me or I'll deduct more and more points from your houses." Mr. Hat shrieked.  
"Now, now Mr. Hat. You don't have to be that mean."  
All of a sudden, Cartman comes out of the hall and yells, "WE HATE MR. HAT! HE'S SUCH A JERK!"  
"Now, now Eric. I guess you're going to have to have some counseling sessions with Mr. Hat to get to know him better."  
"No! No! NOT AGAIN!" Cartman shrieked running (well walking actually) back into the hall, bacon hanging off of his butt.  
"Did you know I was multi-talented?" Daria asked turning away from the scene. The teacher was running towards Cartman brandishing the yelling hat at him.  
"No why?"  
"I can talk and piss someone off."  
"That is so funny." Jane drawled.  
Daria and Jane were the cast outs of the school. They were really gothic and strange. Plus, they never laughed. If something was funny they would say it was funny, but not laugh.  
"Right. I finished my room to look exactly like my room back home." Daria drawled.  
"Black padded walls? Black floor? Just a bed and a dresser?" Jane asked.  
"Duh. You know how I hate it when people ask to many questions when they know the answers." Daria said.  
"Oh yeah. So did you finish that one essay?"  
"Yes I finished it after I finished my room. It took a couple of minutes."  
  
BACK TO REALITY!  
  
As the bell rang, Hermione was called up to Mr. Hat's desk. I MEAN Professor McGonagall's desk.  
"Hermione, I'm worried for you."  
"Why Mr. - I mean Professor McGonagall?"  
"You're grade is slipping."  
"MAYBE I WANT MY GRADE TO SLIP! ALL I AM IS A GOODY TWO SHOES! WHY NOT BE A LITTLE OVER THE EDGE? WHY NOT LET YOUR HAIR DOWN PROFESSOR!" Hermione shrieked walking off, leaving Professor McGonagall shocked and very disturbed.  
  
CARTOON THINGY:  
"Can you believe it? Kenny died! No more Kenny!" Butters said sounding excited.  
"Hey did you here that Kyle and his sister did the dirty?" Cartman asked, spreading a rumor.  
"REALLY?" Butters shrieked. "Did you hear that Kyle and his sister did the dirty?" Butters said passing on the rumor.  
"But she said his major wasn't big enough." Cartman whispered.  
"Dude, that is so cool!" Butters said.  
"EEEEE AAAAA DDDDED!" Crippled # 1 shrieked. (OKAy I FORGOT THEIR NAMeS SO I'M USING THAT AS A SUBSTITUTE! I AM NOT MEAN!)  
"NNNNN AAA DDDAAD!" Crippled # 2 yelled back.  
"Dude! Their fighting!" Cartman shrieked.  
  
BACK TO REALITY:  
  
"Shut up Crabbe!" Goyle yelled punching him in the face.  
"NO YOU GOYLE!" Crabbe shrieked tripping him.  
"WHOA! Crabbe, Goyle lay back." Draco hissed.  
"He started it." Goyle said pointing at Crabbe.  
"No, he did."  
"Just stop! It was funny, but now, NO. You need to stop." Draco replied.  
"Sorry, Draco." Crabbe and Goyle said in unison.  
  
"See Hermione. I told you they would be fighting again today." Ginny said.  
"Great. Now I owe you how much?"  
  
BACK TO CARTOON THINGY:  
  
"Fifty Bucks." Jane replied.  
"Great fifty dollars short. I hope I still have something left." Daria said pulling out her wallet.  
"Did someone say money? Jane needs it anyway. Her poor little family eats roaches. I'm guessing they'll be buying food with that money?" Cartman sneered, walking off with C#1 and C#2, roaring with laughter.  
"What a jerk. He tries to hide his pain behind being an ass whole." Daria explained.  
"I know. I sort of feel sorry for him. He seems to hide behind food too." Jane said.  
"That was funny." Daria drawled.  
"Thanks. Let's go to the lunch room. I hope their having something un-meated." Daria said.  
"Yeah. Meat this and meat that, you seriously get sick of it."  
"HIYA KIDS!" The Student "Gay" teacher yelled.  
"Quick, look at something again!" Daria hissed.  
The two girls stared at the wall and pointed to cracks in the wall.  
"KYLE'S GIRLFRIEND I PRESUME! MEET MR. TWIG! I HOPE HE'S TOLD YOU ABOUT HIM!" The Student "Gay" teacher shrieked.  
"No, no, no, no! That's okay. I have to go talk to Cartman." Kyle's girlfriend lied.  
Daria and Jane quickly walked into the lunch room. "Hey Chef, what's for lunch?"  
"Chef Salad." Chef boomed.  
"Funny Chef. What is it really."  
"If I say it's Chef Salad then it's Chef Salad." Chef yelled.  
"Sorry Chef." Jane drawled grabbing a Chef Salad.  
  
BACK TO REALITY:  
"Damn it! Where the hell did I put it!" Hermione yelled opening up her bag and throwing her books all over the table.  
"What Hermione?" Ron asked.  
"Nothing just something. Oh forget it!" Hermione mumbled.  
"Well we'll help you find it!" Harry replied.  
"NO!" Hermione yelled running off.  
"Looking for something Granger?" Draco sneered.  
"You don't have my erm piece of cartoon work do you?" Hermione whispered so only Draco could here her.  
"Well, is it this?" Draco brandished a sheet of scribbles in her face.  
"Nope. Too bad. But let me see it."  
"What will you do for it mudblood?" Draco whispered against her neck, sending shivers up and down Hermione's spine.  
"Let me see it and we can arrange something." Hermione harped on.  
"Here." Draco thrust it in her face.  
"THANKS! GOTTA GO! BYE!" Hermione shrieked running off.  
All of a sudden out of no where a hand grabbed her wrist and threw her unto the wall. She hit the ground slowly. Some dude's voice that is deep and throaty: Who grabbed Hermione? What will happen to her? Will she continue to write the cartoon? Find out in next weeks episode: "Damn It, Kenny's Back."  
  
Author's Notes: So wuddya think? Is it funny or does it have to be funnier? Please REVIEW! Thanks! :*) Signed: Cleopatra22 


	2. Damn it, Kenny's Back

Hermione Granger = Daria Draco Malfoy = Eric Cartman Harry Potter = The "Gay" Teacher (DUDE I FORGOT HIS NAME! THAT'S ALL IT IS!) Ronald Weasley = The Student "Gay" Teacher (DUDE I FORGOT HIS NAME! THAT'S ALL IT IS!) Pansy Parkinson = Butters Professor McGonagall = Mr. Hat Mr. Filch = Mr. Twig Crabbe = Crippled # One Goyle = Crippled # Two Ginny Weasley = Jane Voldemort = Kyle Lucius Malfoy = Chef Fred = Kyle's sister George = Kyle's Girlfriend Professor Snape = Kenny  
  
Some dude's voice that is deep and throaty: Today's episode of: Damn It, Kenny's Back. Find out what happens to Hermione. Find out, what find out really means. Do we really know what's really out there or -  
  
Some other dude's voice that is deep and throaty: Dude wrong show.  
  
Some dude's voice that is deep and throaty: Ahem. Sorry. Find out why Kenny's back, and is Hermione really gonna get it? :: Some dude's voice that is deep and throaty breaks out into the song: Never Gonna get it::  
  
Some other dude's voice that is deep and throaty: ::Deep sigh:: Now while I throttle this man, read what happens.  
  
Introduction: (Harry Potter Theme Song Playing in background while words fade in) Damn It, Kenny's Back.  
  
Fade in:  
  
All of a sudden out of no where a hand grabbed her wrist and threw her unto the wall. She hit the ground slowly.  
Hermione rubbed her eyes slowly. "Where am I?" She groaned, rubbing her eyes.  
"My room Granger." Draco's icy voice replied.  
"Oh me oh my." Hermione said sarcastically.  
"Did you really think that you could get away with this Granger? Did you?" Draco hissed.  
"Well I thought it was funny."  
"I don't hide behind food." Draco yelled throwing the cartoon at her.  
"Sorry?" Hermione asked.  
"Sorry isn't going to cut it." Draco hissed unpleasantly.  
"W-w-w-what do you want then?" Hermione stuttered.  
"We can make arrangements." Draco whispered against her neck.  
  
BACK TO CARTOON THINGY:  
  
"Can you believe this?" Butters said.  
"Believe what?" Cartman yelled.  
"Kenny's back!" Butters replied.  
"Damn it, Kenny's back." Cartman yelled.  
"Cartman will you please shut the hell up. I am trying to figure out how to kill him again." Daria drawled.  
"She can't kill a tub of lard like you or else she would have all ready." Jane snickered.  
"Good one Jane." Daria drawled.  
"I am not a tub of lard!"  
"Then what do you call this." Jane walked over to Cartman and lifted up his shirt, where fat poured out.  
"That is not lard. I am just big skinned." Cartman said quickly.  
"Right. Then what do you call this?" Jane asked pulling down his pants, where more fat seemed to pour out.  
"That is so sick and demented. I think we should put him on an exercise plan." Daria said.  
  
REALITY:  
"Well, I mean I don't think we should. I'm a mudblood remember?" Hermione asked.  
"Oh that's not going to get you out of anything." Draco whispered again.  
"This is one of your sick pleasures right?" Hermione asked.  
"Nope. Just something you owe me for that cartoon shit." Draco said laying Hermione down on the bed.  
"Do I have to?" Hermione asked stupidly.  
"Yes." Draco said in a hoarse voice kissing her on the mouth.  
"Draco." Hermione moaned his name.  
He moved quickly, tearing off her clothes. Kissing her roughly on the lips.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: AND IF SOMEONE WILL VOLUNTEER AND WRITE THIS PART FOR ME, I WILL GIVE YOU A LOT OF GRADITUDE AND THANKS AND MENTION YOUR NAME IN MY NEXT FAN FIC! I AM SO NOT GOOD AT WRITING THESE PARTS!!! SRY! SEND IT TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS: cleopatra2226@yahoo.com PS: THIS IS TOTAL RAPE THING GOIN' ON!!!  
  
CARTOON THINGY:  
"Why the hell did she do that? It wasn't even funny! It hurt my feelings!" Cartman wailed.  
"Well maybe you shouldn't go around insulting people." Daria drawled, knowing that was impossible for the fat tub of lard.  
"That's impossible. Now if you will just leave me to my thoughts, if I have any. I would like to be alone with my fat self." Cartman sniffed.  
"Right. At least your admitting to it." Daria snickered.  
"Hey, this is the part where you are supposed to say, 'Cartman you are not fat. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I mean you are hot and handsome.'" Cartman said.  
"That's something for a friend to say, and I definitely don't think that you are "hot and handsome." So just, yuck." Daria turned to walk away.  
"I thought I was hot and handsome." Cartman whispered to himself.  
"So wuddya think of my show?" Jane asked snickering.  
"Well, it was hillarious" Daria replied.  
"Shit! Here comes Kenny." Jane whispered.  
"Yetehloweprayushdemoehntomnyriezlwestut?" Kenny shrieked.  
Translation: "Why the hell were you so mean to my prize student?"  
Daria snorted at that.  
"Admigwhathistianyskosfnun?"  
Translation: "And what might I ask is so funny?"  
"Nothing Kenny." Daria and Jane drawled in unison.  
"Rcarnoy." Kenny said walking off, which gave Daria a quick idea.  
Translation: "Carry on."  
"Hey Jane? You got a knife?" Daria asked.  
"Yeah do I get it back?"  
"Duh. Just give it." Daria said.  
"Here." Jane replied handing Daria the black knife.  
"HEY KENNY! THINK FAST!" Daria yelled throwing the black knife at Kenny's face.  
"Thwa?" Kenny shrieked turning around.  
Translation: "What?"  
Blood spilled all over the place as Kenny fell quickly but slowly to the ground. The knife still sticking in his face.  
"YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED KENNY!" Kyle shrieked popping out of no where. Cartman snickering behind him.  
  
Some dude's voice that is deep and throaty: Find out (if someone helps the author) if Draco Malfoy goes "home" with Hermione Granger. Find out if Cartman has a secret crush on someone. In addition, does Draco love Hermione or is it an act? Like my coz would say: "Ya'll be beastin! Cuz that wuz mad tight."  
  
Thanks for the reviews! I'll take the opportunity to thank everyone in my later chapters!!! ( So how's everyone? I'm great!!! I moved tho ::Cleopatra22 takes the opportunity to sob for a couple of seconds:: and well I miss my friendz. SO if all of my friends are reading (Ashalei, Matt, Ashley, Monali, Emilia, Krystal, Megan, Carissa, Veronica, Victoria, Kim, and ech I can't name em all) I'll update once I have at least 10 reviews and an email from someone w/ a good scene for Draco and Hermione. Cleo 


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